The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
