the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
