jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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