theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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