I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just google imaged poop.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
