seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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