i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
