I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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