at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
