I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
