My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
