we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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