paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
