the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
