haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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