I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
do herpes really smell.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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