smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Randomize
