Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
