Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
