Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
