nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
