dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
