bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
