My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
