I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
