My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
