he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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