Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
