I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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