decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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