I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize