It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
