College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
