O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
