Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
