just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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