my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize