her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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