she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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