My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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