I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
