you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
