I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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