I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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