I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
