i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
