she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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