just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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