I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
