girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
