All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
