Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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