That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
