He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
