Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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