Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
