Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
