I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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