i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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