...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
