Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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