my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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