I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
