I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize