just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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