I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
