shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
