Dual....:-)
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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