quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
