I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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