I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
