my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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