If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize