Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
