someone owes me an orgasm
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
